Another One? Seriously

Ok, so I told you to stay tuned for Return of the Toolbox and I do have another version, but with a different toolbox-from like a million years ago.

Strap in, this one is hysterically sad and lame.

This had to have been a over a year ago and my family is rather religious and I am not-haven't been of their faith since I was about 13 from what I can remember. Anyway, mothers are mothers and they worry, so my mother has been trying to get me back into my childhood religion. Naturally, she believes if I find a man from that religion, that presto-changeo, I will go back to the church (obviously, she doesn't know me).

On with the matchmaking...my mother told me about this guy, who was a few years older than me, great job, smart, comes from a good family, etc. My brother told me he was into UFC fighting and actually co-owned a gym with a UFC fighter. Cool, totally sounds like a guy I could get along with-plus, he wasn't too religious, which was even more of perk (for me at least). By the way, can we make mention that no one has said ANYTHING about how he looks-I'm not saying I'm shallow, but let's be honest, first attraction is usually the physical one.

Apparently, my mother went ahead and gave him my number-I wasn't as upset as I thought I would be, I mean this was at a time when I moved back from the east coast and got out of a horrendous relationship-so, I was game for anything.

Before I head into the gym at 8:30 AM, I get a call, from this guy-conversation was ok, nothing to really write about and we never really discussed going out on an actual date. Conversation ended fine and I went to church that following Sunday to check him out. I of course, wore a cute new baby doll dress, some heels and was feeling good...until...

Ok, so I'm a girl, I can be catty, but I'm going to the high road here and just say, that there isn't much to say when it came to his looks. Also, when we met in person, he was socially awkward and all together somewhat of a mess. Long story short-nothing came of it and we left it at that.

Fast forward to yesterday (over a year later), I get a random text from an 801 number (this is Utah), all the text said was "I'm in SD." Now, thanks to Facebook, I've reconnected to with some old friends and one happens to live in Utah and mentioned that he was coming to town, so my response to the text was, "Is this Bob?" *Not his real name.* "No close though, this is Steve." OK, how is Bob and Steve close? Anyway, it ended being him and I have no idea why he contacted me, but it was bittersweet to tell him that I was engaged and moving on with my life.

There is a new Matthew McConaughey moving coming out about his ex's coming back, all I can say, is that they must have been reading this blog to get the idea, because apparently, mine are coming back with a vengeance. Even the ones that were never my ex :)

Stay tuned to see what other ghosts decide to come back to haunt me.

Mommy Dearest

First let me preface by saying, that although I do love my mother so very much (I mean, she did bring me into this world), I still don't think she has a right to say and act a certain way. We're all human beings whom can control our tongues, are we not? (Well some of us may not).

Wednesday night-me and my man have HUGE news to report, so we drive over to my parents house, to tell them that they will be grandparents for the 6th time (this is our first, I have 2 older brothers, so you can close your mouth now. Yeah right, like I would have 6 kids!). My mother is not home at this time, so naturally being excited first-time parents, we immediately tell my father.
Me: "Dad, we're going to have a Cubican baby" (that's Cuban-me + Mexican-my man).
Dad: "Oh wow! That's so cool. My baby is having a baby!"
This is an example of a natural reaction from a loving parent, wouldn't you say?

So, we hand him the picture and he's asking us questions and just loving this moment. Then, in walked Mommy Dearest.
Now, we knew that selling her would be a more difficult story-after all me and my man are not married, but are engaged and planning on getting married. That should be enough-I mean come on, do you really need a piece of paper?

Me: "Hey mom, so how was work."
Mom: "Good."
Me: "So, how would you feel about sharing a birthday with a grandchild."
Mom: "Well, I don't have a grandchild born in November."
Me: "Well, you might now."
Mom: "Wow (not enthusiastic), I thought you might be pregnant."
Me: "Really? Why is that?"
Mom: "Because of all of your sinus infections, same thing happened to me."
So far so good, no anxiety attack, no screaming, no cursing us to hell.
Mom: "Well you better watch what you eat and don't get fat. I've noticed you've been eating more carbs lately."
My man: "I'm sorry, but I'd rather not have an underweight child, thanks."

I mean...how do I respond to that? Oh, yeah this was how.
About an hour later.

Me: "Mom, you know I love you, but what you said was not appropriate and to be honest with you, you're sick in the head."
Mom: "Oh, you're just being sensitive."

Hmmm....well if I was being sensitive, could it have anything to do with the fact that my body has more hormones than a Junior Varsity football team? Or maybe it's because I am her only girl and the baby and although I wasn't expecting open arms, being a little supportive would have been nice.

Me: "Well, I'm sorry if you think I'm being sensitive, but you're being insensitive and I think you have some things going on that you may want to seek professional help for. Have a good night."

A few days later she confessed to my brother that maybe what she said wasn't a good idea. BRILLIANT!

Anyway, all is better, because she has other things to occupy her for a while. Can't wait until I start showing, then she can really lay into me for "looking fat".

Oh mommy dearest...PS if I ever become like her, I think I'll just check myself into the ward right now :)

Happy Reading. Happy Living. Happy Loving.